The Fall
by whisper-myperfections
Summary: The drop from the soaring highs to deathly lows. From ecstasy to depression. Was it really worth it? Was such happiness, such euphoria worth the grief that was caused? In Fuji's eyes, it was. It was worth breaking his facade, changing his being for love.
1. The Past

Well. This was dedicated to my friend Amanda, who suffered an eating disorder. I love her so much, and I hope she feels relief when reading it. I decided to post this up because I wanted to help others with the same issues, so enjoy, ne?

Also, dedicated to her boyfriend Jeremy, who suffers from a fatal disease. Will he find the strength to carry on? Yes, he is made of stronger stuff than that!

Please, no flames because it will upset both the reader and her friends and because I love all of you too much as fellow POT fanatics. Dedicated to Amanda and Jeremy, but also to you guys. Enjoy!

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And so he left, claiming with him the beautiful fragments of his heart, mocking him with every footstep, every breath, every word. A harsh snap of the door brought him from his reveries of what had been and of what would never be again, as he sat on an iron-wrought chair, a single, silvery tear falling from his lashes onto the sallow cheeks.

_Icy cold; my heart will turn black, frozen, devoid. Please. Let me feel no more emotions, no more pain. Love; they all scorn me, they are conspiring. Such emptiness I have not felt since he came, since he wiped my tears away. _

He smiled, yet it was not a happy one. _He_ had left him, just as when _he_ had found him, purging away his intense fears and insecurities, like light filling a melancholy room, but just as the candle had been lit, it had been blown away by a flighty wind of fancy. The room barely remained; poignant, abandoned, unattended. He had been inebriated by his immense charm, his sweeping good looks and when _he_ had saved him, he had become infatuated. Every waking moment revolved around him, every thought obsessive and yearning. He had truly become, his slave.

So well he could remember it: the brush of _his_ cool skin, the musky scent of _his_ breath, the achingly good feeling of being in _his_ arms, so safe, so steady.

Even more clearly could he remember those years of agony, when his whole life had been dictated by a set of scales, menacing in the corner of his marbled bathroom. Such fear he remembered; such brutal feelings of self-disgust. He closed his eyes, deeply in reverie.

* * *

_Flashback:_

_He was on the floor, gasping and crying. He felt so empty, so unfulfilled, so bitterly hungry; he crouched in a ball, rocking himself shakily, crying himself to sleep. He was cold; he shivered, goose bumps etched on his porcelain skin. He breathed; such an unsteady exhale, such a desperate greed for air. He whispered to himself," This is my path to perfection; flawless, pure, perfect. I can overcome this; a sign of human weakness. I will become pure, empty, light as an angel"._

_It was his solace, his comfort, the only purpose that had kept him sane. With the death of his mother a year ago, he had begun to develop an eating disorder. Perhaps it was proof that he could become perfect even without a mother to guide him, perhaps it was his reaction to grief, or perhaps with all the pressure on his life, he had felt as if food was the only thing he could control. Whatever the reason was, he had forgotten it, spiraling into disaster. _

_He showered in cold water; moaning with pleasure as he fingered the bones of his body, clutching his protruding collarbone, massaging his jutting ribs with great delirium. He was closer to his goals now, closer…_

* * *

With a start, he woke, beads of sweat covering his forehead, uncontrollably shaking. He had sworn that he would not revert, he had promised _him_. He would not break that promise-could not-, but somehow perfection had looked so inviting again. He smiled, a true smile, as he recalled the euphoric feeling of stepping on the scales, of reaching his goal weight of 80 pounds. He knew he had yet to reach perfection, but in the dark room of his heart, he had not succumbed to human errors, and he knew, he was one of the first to reach this zenith. This was a lone firefly in a dark forest, one that sparked the renewal of hope, of enlightenment, and of a future unmarred.

And he sat, in the cold, embellished chair, thinking of when _he _had arrived, and of his beauty and courage, and how _he_ had reversed his life, flipped his perspective of life.

_He_ was beautiful in a fairy-esque, graceful way; long black lashes framed wide eyes, a straight nose and soft, _delectable _lips parted to reveal white, gleaming teeth and _he_ had a lithe, slender frame, yet there was much definition of bulky muscles on _his_ pale, white exterior. _He _had whispered to him, '_Stop' _with such force, yet gentleness and concern in _his_ tone: quite a gentle and relaxing voice. _He_ had slapped him hard on the face, and he had realized.

Realized he was destroying himself. Realized that he was destroying all who cared for him. And realized that he was destroying _him._

_

* * *

He_ had begged him, kneeling, to cease his crazy disordered thinking, to cease his outrageous intentions, to cease him from self-harm. _He_ had cried passionate tears, diamonds dropping from _his _lashes to _his_ soft, porcelain cheeks, down _his_ neck, and finally, into his hair, dull and lank, from an embrace that marked the beginning of their love, a beginning of their _forever_. 

_He_ was beautiful, he decided, and _he_ was dying; dying from a disease that plagued _his_ everyday, which limited _him_ in so many ways. He had vowed to begin eating properly because it seemed that he was selfishly asking for death, or a fatal mistake, yet _he_, so innocent and brave, was fighting for survival with every courageous breath that _he_ took.

_'Fuji Shuusuke. I will promise to love you until my last breath is stolen, no. Longer than that. I know I shall love you for all of my eternity, and beyond'. _This, _he _had written on a card that marked his 17th birthday. A rather beautiful golden card, rich and intricate. Dainty, pearly metal roses were assembled to create a border, and the elaborate writing was etched in a magnificent purple ink pen.

Tears came to his eyes, as he sat on that cold, elaborate chair, thinking of what _he_ had done, of what _he_ had sacrificed, and how _he_ was unbearably lucky, so fortunate, to be here alive and well, today.

And so _he_ had left, and claimed with _him_ the beautiful fragments of his heart, mocked her with every footstep, every breath, every word. A harsh snap of the door had brought him from his reveries of what had been and of what would never be again, as he had sat on an iron-wrought chair, a single, silvery tear fallen from his lashes onto the sallow cheeks.

* * *

Sorry about that! I just wanted to make sure that everybody knew who the fanfic was dedicated to. Thankyou for reading, and I respect any comments, anonymous or not. ! 


	2. The Beginning

_Note- Fuji was born in Germany then relocated to America to study. _

_Sorry for the long wait. I haven't really had time to think about my fanfic because I've been hanging out with my friends a lot. OOOF! Such a LAME excuse! Sorry for that.D. But really, I won't delve into their lives and talk and talk and TALK, so, I'll just leave you to it. Enjoy!_

* * *

_He was beautiful, desperate, condemned. I was weak, cowardly; I clutched onto him for comfort, for survival. He helped me to reclaim the impossible pieces of my life; he bound them together to create a new. He was __**incredible. **_

Three months ago, I had arrived in America, merely an exchange student from Japan. It was at this time, that I had met Fuji Shuusuke. He was educated, cultured. I was quite adequate, but perhaps not to his superior level. He seemed perfect; flawless, and I had felt like an awkward foreigner. In the last year of high school, life had dealt out a cruel hand to me, and I suffered much bullying as a result.

"_Hey four-eyed, go back to your own country! What's the matter? Don't speak English? Why, you fucking bastard!"_

_Blood trickled down my legs in rivulets of crimson, staining my favorite Puma shorts. They had beaten me to a pulp, kicking mercilessly and randomly. They were too strong; their numbers too great. Pain throbbed through my head, and my breath became ragged, uneven. I could feel my throat constricting, as I gasped for air, coughing hard onto the dusty grass. I stared in amazement. Blood had soaked the grass. I felt faint, dizzy, and weak. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe! There was nothing to do but to watch the world go black…_

The first thing I had noticed about Fuji Shuusuke was his painful thinness. His face was hollow, his arms and legs bony, and his frame bird-like. But there was something I couldn't put my finger on. '_He was beautiful', _one could ascertain from the blazing blue eyes, the shapely nose, the proud forehead and the full lips. He showed his emotions subtly, but powerfully. There was this driving feeling. I wanted to put him in my arms, warm his white skin, and assure him that it would all be okay, because, it was _that _obvious; Fuji Shuusuke had an eating disorder.

Not that I don't have problems of my own; I do. Actually, the bullying was the least of my problems. You see, I had long ago accepted the facts; I would die young. I would experience difficulties in my life that at this age, most ordinary people would never experience for their whole life. I struggled to breathe when kids struggled to read. When normal people got a cold, they coughed. They struggled for a while, soon to become nothing but an uncomfortable memory, but I coped with this everyday. Well. I didn't really cope. At least, not until I met Shuusuke.

My Shuusuke; did I hurt you? But it was better this way; better for the both of us…

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Yes. SUPERSHORT chapter! I really am quite bad!D

Next time, I promise a LONG. LONG. one though. It just seemed the right place to end the chapter.

Love you. Oh! And Amanda's been doing much better! Thanks for worrying. Jeremy? Not as good...(. He had to go to hospital for a lung infection. Well, I'm telling ya, thats one brave kid!, Fingers crossed,

whisper-myperfections


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